Sunday Drive

I'm a planner. I like to know what is around the next corner. I want to be prepared and have the right gear, raincoat or whatever I need. Problem is, life doesn't work out that simply. Plans for us, are they predetermined? Divinely. I know so.

I've been thinking too much about the future lately. What will it hold, how will my life change? Seems like I can't stay content with how things are now. I get so far ahead of myself that sometimes I forget to look around me and appreciate where I am. Last year at this time I was obsessing about the details of my wedding. This Christmas I had to fight the urge to obsess about the future, my life, would I have a family. Is there ever a time when we aren't wanting something? What does that feel like? Sometimes this obsessing keeps me from enjoying family, my husband and the life that I've worked hard to attain.

I've realized a few things: I am not meek, but I don't want to work like this forever. I have other skills and I want to be more creative. Yet, being creative is merely doing it, not just talking or thinking about it.

Sometimes I find the only thing that stops the obsessing is prayer. God has plans for me that I haven't even begun to understand or see. He is preparing me for things that I will do, and using the sting of disappointments to keep me steadfast in my faith.

I long for things. I want dreams to come true. Walking through my neighborhood on Christmas Day afternoon with my husband, I realize that I'm not walking these streets alone anymore. I used to make myself go for a walk with my dog. Maybe I thought the fresh air would lift my spirits. I used to see people like me and my husband and wonder if I would ever know that sort of union. A partnership and a commitment. Just when I decided that sacrificing happiness for companionship wasn't worthwhile, someone special came into my life.

I am reminded that God is preparing us for things, unseen. Faith...and I should have more of it these days, and enjoy the scenery.