Think Like An Ant

I find that I'm less and less happy with my current quality of life. And it's not one person, job or thing that is making it negative.

What I've decided is that it's my own non choice. My non-choice to prioritize my time makes me feel like a victim to my own schedule. And a victim to my own expectations and the expectations of others. Scratch that, make it the expectations that I perceive others to have on me.

In short, I can't say no. I don't say no enough to the wrong things, and don't say yes enough to the right things. My dad tells me that's the difference between having a job and having a position. You have to work at leaving work at work -- and work on getting actual work done at work.

I have spent a year living like this...and I think this is the point where I raise my hand up and say no more. It's not good for my health. It's not good for my family and not good for me.

I'm thinking like an ant as Dr. Cloud says in The 9 Things You Simply Must Do. The small goal to making this change is to stop working every night from home and start taking a lunch hour.

I'm traveling this week. Heading to Atlanta for a gathering of other child advocates. It's always a great time, but at the same time very overwhelming because there is always so much more I could, should, ought to be doing. I will be thinking of those ants again and hope to at least being doing SOMETHING.

My short term goal this week is to work out or doing something active while I'm out of town. And continue that pace when I come home. My body cannot continue on this diet rich in cortisol.

Back Again

I missed writing. I missed balance and I missed being creative. So here I am again. Don't judge.

A few things I'm working with this week:

Time management: I realized my life is somewhat out of control. I'm spending a lot of time letting other people vent to me, or sort things out verbally. It's all good. Just not sure how it gets me to Friday, or reinforces what I say is important to me. And isn't that the true test? How are you spending your time? Does it reflect what you say is important to you? It's an experiment I'm starting and will probably spend a great deal of time on this blog chronicling. Consider yourself my new accountability partner.

Finding new music: Today on the drive home I discovered Joe Henry on NPR. His latest album was recorded with the windows open, and microphones in the windows. Quite a concept. He says, "Music doesn't happen in a vacuum." And then I think nothing really happens in a vacuum. Henry is also Madonna's brother-in-law.

Priorities: Working at a non-profit must be code for work till your burnt out. There is always an unclear division of labor...and sometimes if you care it becomes your job. That doesn't feel very intentional.

And a confession...I didn't know what iTV was...I'm getting old. And Appleless.