Sunday Drive

I'm a planner. I like to know what is around the next corner. I want to be prepared and have the right gear, raincoat or whatever I need. Problem is, life doesn't work out that simply. Plans for us, are they predetermined? Divinely. I know so.

I've been thinking too much about the future lately. What will it hold, how will my life change? Seems like I can't stay content with how things are now. I get so far ahead of myself that sometimes I forget to look around me and appreciate where I am. Last year at this time I was obsessing about the details of my wedding. This Christmas I had to fight the urge to obsess about the future, my life, would I have a family. Is there ever a time when we aren't wanting something? What does that feel like? Sometimes this obsessing keeps me from enjoying family, my husband and the life that I've worked hard to attain.

I've realized a few things: I am not meek, but I don't want to work like this forever. I have other skills and I want to be more creative. Yet, being creative is merely doing it, not just talking or thinking about it.

Sometimes I find the only thing that stops the obsessing is prayer. God has plans for me that I haven't even begun to understand or see. He is preparing me for things that I will do, and using the sting of disappointments to keep me steadfast in my faith.

I long for things. I want dreams to come true. Walking through my neighborhood on Christmas Day afternoon with my husband, I realize that I'm not walking these streets alone anymore. I used to make myself go for a walk with my dog. Maybe I thought the fresh air would lift my spirits. I used to see people like me and my husband and wonder if I would ever know that sort of union. A partnership and a commitment. Just when I decided that sacrificing happiness for companionship wasn't worthwhile, someone special came into my life.

I am reminded that God is preparing us for things, unseen. Faith...and I should have more of it these days, and enjoy the scenery.

Reasons to love Christmas

Yes...I do have to make this list. I don't know if its the international economic crisis, the weather, the lack of time or the hormonal changes, but I can't get excited for Christmas. I'm ready to see parts of 2008 in my rearview mirror, and there are parts of 2008 that I want to live over every day.

Whatever the case is, I keep kicking myself in the butt to get excited for Christmas and to be pleasant holiday fun. So I'm making a list to remind myself why Christmas is such a great holiday, aside from the fact of Jesus being born to save us from our sins. I know, that's a pretty big one to put after a comma.

1. Christmas lights: They're pretty and make ugly things twinkle and look nice. It's also a good way to light up the neighborhood.

2. The big wheel: It was a great Christmas when I got that pink and blue Big Wheel. A plastic bike of wonder. I drove it through the house and through the garage.

3. Gift-giving: I think this is also what I dislike about Christmas. At a time of year when people should be loving and reminded of being selfless they are jerks. There's is a mentality to take or be taken. I'm opting out.

4. Time off: I'm missing winter break...still. I've been out of college almost 10 years. The task of getting ready for the holidays and being excited for the holidays is hard to do when you're working two jobs, in school and trying to be cheerful. But a few days off at Christmas are fun, and you can run around wearing stocking caps and jeans and get stuff done.

5. Movies: I like to see a holiday movie or two. It seems like Christmas is really the only time I allow myself that treat.

6. The children: It's fun to watch my nieces and nephews open up Christmas gifts. It's fun to watch my loved one open presents. However, I always feel like what I've given them is not enough, or they're just being nice. I'm sure that says more about me than them.

7. Dirty Santa: It's fun. It's good natured, but at the same time with underlying principles of greed and getting more than the next person. Ok, talked myself out of that one.

8. Christmas music: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," "Oh Holy Night," are just a few of my favorites. James Taylor's Christmas album still one of the top picks.

9. Christmas baking: It's chaos and its sugar and flour everywhere, but it's also a time of year when I get to spend time with my aunts, cousins and friends doing something for other people.

10. Traditions: I'm thinking I need to start some new traditions with my husband that we can enjoy and look forward to. This Christmas has been hectic and lackluster so far. What traditions would you share?