Think Like An Ant

I find that I'm less and less happy with my current quality of life. And it's not one person, job or thing that is making it negative.

What I've decided is that it's my own non choice. My non-choice to prioritize my time makes me feel like a victim to my own schedule. And a victim to my own expectations and the expectations of others. Scratch that, make it the expectations that I perceive others to have on me.

In short, I can't say no. I don't say no enough to the wrong things, and don't say yes enough to the right things. My dad tells me that's the difference between having a job and having a position. You have to work at leaving work at work -- and work on getting actual work done at work.

I have spent a year living like this...and I think this is the point where I raise my hand up and say no more. It's not good for my health. It's not good for my family and not good for me.

I'm thinking like an ant as Dr. Cloud says in The 9 Things You Simply Must Do. The small goal to making this change is to stop working every night from home and start taking a lunch hour.

I'm traveling this week. Heading to Atlanta for a gathering of other child advocates. It's always a great time, but at the same time very overwhelming because there is always so much more I could, should, ought to be doing. I will be thinking of those ants again and hope to at least being doing SOMETHING.

My short term goal this week is to work out or doing something active while I'm out of town. And continue that pace when I come home. My body cannot continue on this diet rich in cortisol.

Back Again

I missed writing. I missed balance and I missed being creative. So here I am again. Don't judge.

A few things I'm working with this week:

Time management: I realized my life is somewhat out of control. I'm spending a lot of time letting other people vent to me, or sort things out verbally. It's all good. Just not sure how it gets me to Friday, or reinforces what I say is important to me. And isn't that the true test? How are you spending your time? Does it reflect what you say is important to you? It's an experiment I'm starting and will probably spend a great deal of time on this blog chronicling. Consider yourself my new accountability partner.

Finding new music: Today on the drive home I discovered Joe Henry on NPR. His latest album was recorded with the windows open, and microphones in the windows. Quite a concept. He says, "Music doesn't happen in a vacuum." And then I think nothing really happens in a vacuum. Henry is also Madonna's brother-in-law.

Priorities: Working at a non-profit must be code for work till your burnt out. There is always an unclear division of labor...and sometimes if you care it becomes your job. That doesn't feel very intentional.

And a confession...I didn't know what iTV was...I'm getting old. And Appleless.

Reciprocate, once more -- with feeling

Maybe years of training as a journalist is to blame. My new profession is full of passionate and emotional people and sometimes I wonder if I'm acting sympathetic enough..or emoting enough.

It's silly really. Blame journalism. You are trained to ask questions and not pass judgement. You are trained to that conversations are for a purpose: gathering essential information. You know when you have "the quote," in an interview. Once you get that nugget you stop listening. You start formulating a way to seem sincere, but wrap up the conversation quickly.

Working in the world of social workers is different. Very different. And it is good.

It's good to stretch and maybe see that the world of newspapers is quirky and dysfunctional. You can't expect a group of people who work in constant stress and thrive on chaos to chit-chat about the weekend or what you did for your birthday. Exchanges are more like this:

Editor: What's your plan today?

Reporter: Checking some things out, doing a little research.

Editor: Make something happen by 10:30 a.m. I don't care what it is. Make it a front page story.

Probably in the rest of the world things don't always happen that way. In my new job, work exchanges include discussion about fears, validation, appreciation and positive reinforcement. I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with that, but I'm learning. And trying to reciprocate. Sometimes I just wonder if it sounds sincere...even when I mean it.

Introverts among men

An update: I've left the world of newspapers. In October, I became the policy director for the Oklahoma Institute for Child Advocacy. Using my communication skills, wits and know how for the children. I'm back at blogging...because I will always be a writer.

Networking is a sport. Sometimes a full contact sport. You have to know people, know of a few good topics to talk about that don't polarize those around you the point of awkwardness and you've got to know when to move on to the next candidate.

Writers/journalists/scribes (whatever name you chose) either excel at networking or suck, to put it bluntly. If you're a journalist, you've spent countless hours in awkward interviews asking people tough questions or very personal questions. Sometimes the frivolity of polite conversation is too much. If you're like me, you've also studied body language and know when someone isn't paying attention and perhaps making a mental grocery list. (That means it's time to move on or head to the bar in the networking world.)

If you're a writer, like a "writer" with a capital W -- your brain is probably too busy to be trifled with. That also makes you seem very antisocial, aloof and maybe mysterious. You know ladies, the "brooder" type of guys you dated in your early 20s..or at least I did.

There is a place for networking. But I prefer to call it what it is. It's relationship building. It's meeting people, getting their names or business cards with the understanding that at some point in life, you will be calling on them for a favor...and it won't seem so outlandish because "Hey didn't we meet at the (INSERT ORGANIZATION HERE) mixer last month." It's important, necessary and all part of the grown up world.

But it only works when everybody at the event has the same understanding and the same purpose in mind. Mixers are not for catching up with old college friends or long lost colleagues. That's what drinks after the event are for, otherwise being deep in conversation means there are bunch of people standing around waiting to meet you (because you are after all fabulous) that have to listen to every detail of your child's latest developmental milestone.

If everybody knows the rules, nobody gets left out.