The secret life of 20-somethings...

I must be getting old. In fact I know I am. I'm working my way through a lengthy piece on the lives of 20-somethings that appeared recently in the New York Times. The reporter looks at the growing trend of people in their 20's avoiding the milestones of "adult life," marriage, career, family, etc.

The article wonders if special protections should be given to 20-somethings and if that time period should be thought of as a new stage in development. Leaving adolescence...not quite making it to be a full-fledged adult. Studies have shown that the frontal lobe of a person's brain (the thing that keeps you from screaming every curse word that comes to mind when standing in line at the grocery or in other polite company) doesn't fully develop until the mid 20s.

But here is what irks me. I get the feeling that this notion of the 20's as some other stage of development operates on the principle that all parts of adult life should be enjoyable. That following your bliss is your main goal in life. I don't disagree with that. But I offer these little nuggets of wisdom...work is work. That is why you get paid to go there some days. Some days it is the only reason I show up. Other days, I would work for free. That's the nature of the game.

And then my question is, how did a generation of people begin to think this way? Is this a result of something Baby Boomer parents did? Is this a function of living in the richest country in the world and simply having too many options? In the past, people left their homes because their parents needed them to work, or start paying their own way and ease the burden. But what now? Are economic pressures driving people back home?

And then from a psychological standpoint: At what point does your life become your own? When do you begin to take pride in what you have earned, independent of your parents or whatever support network you cling to?

To be fair, I must disclose this: I have not lived with my parents since I was 19 years old. Sure, they helped me out, generously paid for my college so I wouldn't have student loans and would have gladly me offer a place to crash when times got tough. I fall into that rare 20-something who was a homeowner before 30. I had a college degree and a job in a related field by 23. That's what I was taught to do. I didn't think that there was an option that included not doing those things.

In my senior year of college after spending a semester in Europe I wanted to go back. I didn't want to go work for the "man" and blindly stumble into the role of an adult that my parents represented: Hard-working, with at the time, seemed like little joy in their lives.

When did the rubber meet the road? When I realized I had a medical condition that would be considered a pre-existing condition if I didn't have health insurance coverage always. I remember a very exasperating conversation with my mother in which I said, "People don't get jobs just to have health insurance..." From the mouths of babes. Life it turns out, is quite the opposite. People take and keep jobs for the benefits.

My solution to this cruel reality: Move far away. If I had to work in the U.S. and had to have health insurance I wanted to do it someplace that felt faraway. So at 22, I packed up my stuff and moved to McAllen, Texas, on the Texas-Mexico border. It was in the United States, but a world away from home. A world away from what I thought my parents wanted for me and all mine. It was extended college...but guess what...I was paying for it.

So in all this, I guess I'm saying to the 20-somethings....suck it up. I know the economy is bad. Living in a "cool" city is expensive. College loans are massive and unfair. But we all make choices and maybe you give up a cosmopolitan lifestyle to play music and live in a cheaper location. Or you work a job that's tough and not your cup of tea because you need health insurance.

Working for a living doesn't mean you don't have time to pursue your passions. We all make choices about how we spend our time.

As a parent, the idea that my son could move home after college for an extended stay with no plan is unsettling. Of course I would welcome him back and provide stability for him to get off the ground, or whatever...but the point of raising a child is that they leave and give back the world.

Yes...I'm getting old. I get the angst, the artfulness, the desire to pursue creative endeavors that drive some from a "traditional career path" But I'm not that old and that far away from it all. Yet, at some point, don't we all have to figure out how to match our monetary needs (bills, bills, bills) with our creative needs....